genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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