Me too!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
