In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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