allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
