I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
