I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
