I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
