My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
