A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
