He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
