you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
