the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
