my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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