Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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