Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
