I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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