How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
