Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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