I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
