I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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