I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
