so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
