I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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