I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
