she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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