I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
