my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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