Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
