Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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