You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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