I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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