Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
