There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
