I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize