Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
