I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize