You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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