lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
