Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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