And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm going to jail i love you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize