Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
