Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
