I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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