On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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