I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
