I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
