a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
