after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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