If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
