if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize