piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
