I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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