Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
