I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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