.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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