You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
