my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
