I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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