maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
