she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
