Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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