i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
