the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
