...so i touched it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
