i can't believe i had my finger in that
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
