Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
