Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize