I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
