the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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