after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize